Homo-erotic cartoons of my youth.

Lets come right out and call a spade a spade, or in this point, a children’s cartoon with undeniable homosexual overtones, a children’s cartoon with undeniable homosexual overtones. Now I know what you are probably thinking, what kind of person am I to read that much into children’s cartoons, I must be a homophobe on a witch hunt. Nay, quite the opposite I assure you. It isn’t that I am fearful of or trying to point a judgmental finger at these cartoons or their creators, I just find it funny.

First and foremost is one of my most beloved childhood memories, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I should clarify I am talking about the original series…not any of the later ones that were openly gay and mostly featured He- Man and Skeletor ass raping each other.In 1982 Mattel had an extremely high selling action figure line called “The Masters of the Universe”. Part of what made the line sell so well was a series of advertisements animated by Filmation. To try and increase their already large profit margin Mattel came to Filmation and asked them to create a 65 episode series. All they were looking for was a way to sell toys, but due to the combination of elements including ahead of their time animators, visionary animation directors and animation writers that were all young and looking to prove themselves, Mattel unleashed what would become one of the all time classic cartoons. All of this combined with amazing voice actors and a legion of hard core child fans with big mouths and parents and parents with money to shut them up lead to a total of 130 episodes.

So where did it all get gay? I am going to say as soon as pencil was put to paper. I really don’t believe this was a mistake, someone somewhere intended this to be a metaphore for homosexuality. In the early 80’s “bein one a dem gays” was still very taboo, and AIDS was just starting to become a major world scare, and it of course was all blamed on homosexual activity. Let’s break it down. The title character of the series is He-Man. That should say enough in itself, but lets move on. His alter ego was one Prince Adam of Eternia. His father was the powerful King Randor who sat on the thrown in Royal Palace. So…he is a powerful man at the head of his organization. Parallel that to the early 80’s and you have a father that is an executive at a major company. Prince Adam always seems awkward, shy and out of place…probably because he is afraid to come out of the closet to his father.

Any time trouble arises Prince Adam wields his mighty, if not phallic looking, sword and chants “By the Power of Greyskull” and transforms into He- Man. Then he points at his cowardly cat Cringer, who has no backbone at all and turns him into the ferocious Battle Cat. Let’s break this series of events down. First the chant, “By the Power of Greyskull” everyone has heard that before, but have you really thought about it? Grayskull was a legendary location situated in a barren wilderness. It was the base of operations for the Masters of the Universe and its origins were unknown except for the fact that it was constructed to protect an unspecified source of power from those who would misuse it. So basically Greyskull was a place that was isolated from the world except from those whom He-Man felt were like him and understood him and it was a place of protection and safety. Like a gay night club or the proverbial “closet”. Then because of his strength to “come out” and defend his beliefs Cringer is also able to transform.

Feel free to continue on adventures with He-Man on friends here.

The Smurfs . Everyone tries to convince me that the Smurfs are queer because there is only one woman amongst them. I never really thought that. Smurfette was probably a dirty dirty slut, and Vanity was undoubtedly a queen, but for the most part if the other Smurfs were swinging each other’s beef hammers, it was probably more like a prison situation. They do it out of necessity. Prison sex isn’t what this article is about. Besides, I am fairly certain the Smurfs were commies.

Yogi Bear . Yogi Bear and Booboo DEFINE non flaming gay stereo types. The are well dressed, their home is always neat, they are “single” they live together and refer to each other as buddy. Not to mention they sleep in the same bed playing grabass all night. I used to think that Ranger Smith represented non gay America and was out to stop them from living in sin, but as I look back on it now, he was probably a repressed self hating homosexual that just wanted acceptance.

Bugs Bunny. I know I am going to take a lot of shit for this one, but Bugs was a fag. Sure, you can say he was a play boy (get it, a Playboy Bunny), and that was why he lived alone, but answer me this. Why is it the only time Bugs has anything to do with a female it is always in adventures. In any of the “Behind the Scenes” style cartoons there was never a female bunny featured around him, nor was there even a hint one lived in the house or even visited on occasion. What you did see was bugs dressed like a queen and shuffling around pften times with a limp wrist.

You need something more obvious? Fine! Look at the fact that Bugs routinely dressed in drag, he often acted as a hair dresser, manicurist, or other salon personal while speaking with a stereotypical gay “accent”, he eats carrots as if sucking a dick and on more than many occasions kissed a man and looked comfortable doing it. To top it all off, think of his trademarked catch phrase, “Ehh..What’s Up Doc?” You can easily replace that with “Ehh, I want cock” and it seems to fit all the situations he gets himself into.

Captain Planet. I don’t really think all of the planeteers were gay, I had my worries about the black kid, but who didn’t. The captain himself is counted out of the rainbow army due to his sporty mullet, but there was that one kid… Now the cast of supporting characters was lame to begin with. It was 1990 so of course it had to be “diverse”. The Planeteers were:

Kwame aka black dude with the power of earth

Wheeler aka California white kid with the power of fire

Linka aka the hot European chick with the power of wind. (She was from the Soviet Union at a time when everyone still feared the reds…how diverse.)

G i aka Miss Swan. An Oriental, yes I said Oriental instead of Asian because I don’t give a fuck, chick with the power of water.

Ma-Ti aka Latin dude with the power of heart.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet the one I am guessing has a large supply of Astroglide is Ma-Ti. I say this not just because he is Latin and I hear all queers with a Latin accent in my head, but because he truly is queer amongst the group, he doesn’t fit. Sure he fits into their U.N. philosophy of everyone is represented, but his power doesn’t fit. Earth, air, water, fire…these are all elements that have been related to nature and therefore the planet and thus Captain Planet since the beginning of time, but heart? I don’t think so. Mother Nature doesn’t have a heart…watch any nature video where the cute baby animal gets devoured in a hellacious blood bath.

No my friends the power of “heart” signifies love and acceptance. Acceptance of things that are queer…people that are queer…THAT LATINO KID TOOK IT IN THE MOUTH GOD DAMNIT!!!

Click here for more cartoony goodness.

1 Response to “Homo-erotic cartoons of my youth.”

  1. 1 breast March 11, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    It’s no longer a moral issue. Excessive porn viewing is threatening real-life relationships
    Last week, TOI sexpert Dr Mahinder Watsa received a query from a 30-year-old woman who had been
    married for two years. The couple enjoyed sex twice a week on an average, she
    wrote in her e-letter, but had noticed that her
    husband was secretly watching pornography on the Internet, and masturbating after.
    The timing of physical intimacy between the couple was linked to his new
    viewing habit. “We usually end up having sex after he watches porn,” she said.
    Over time, he began to avoid sex with her altogether,
    relying on porn entirely.
    This reader isn’t alone.
    Mumbai’s andrologists and relationship counsellors say the
    popularity of porn among men is beginning to change relationship dynamics
    in the real world, often leaving partners distressed. With this, Indian men join their global counterparts.
    An investigation by technology magazine Extreme Tech in 2012 revealed
    that almost 30 per cent of Internet traffic in the world is linked to porn.
    The search volume index for ‘porn’ doubled between 2010
    and 2012, is Google Trends’ estimate.
    The man-woman divide
    Sex is a primal human need, and has little to do with gender.
    Visual sexual stimuli, also finds takers in both, men and women.
    But researchers, like Heather Rupp, Ph.D, say the presumption is that men respond more strongly to it.
    Pornographic magazines and videos directed at men are a multi-billion
    dollar industry while similar products directed towards women are difficult to find.
    It is estimated that of the 40 million adults who visit pornography
    websites annually, 72% are male while only 28% are female.
    “Men prefer novelty, while women are more interested in stable dynamics,” suggests Rupp.
    A recent University of Arkansas study showed that a third of men use porn to ease boredom
    or stress; a fifth reach out to it when they are lonely.
    The male neurological response to porn – faster heart rate, rising blood pressure, increased blood flow
    and an erection – is said to be stronger than the female’s.
    Some argue, it’s because the content ‘suits’ male sexual interests.
    Erotic clippings let them (visually) enjoy the casual sex several of them crave, without danger of infection or unwanted
    pregnancy. Clearly, porn solves a primal problem for men – it lets
    them enjoy commitment-free sex with multiple partners.
    Matter of the mind, too
    The trouble is, visual sexual stimuli is not associated with sexual health
    alone. It also has a bearing on mental well-being. Compulsive porn viewing
    can distort the viewer’s expectations of sex with real people,
    not to mention, control his life.
    A Cambridge University study revealed that compulsive porn
    watchers show brain activity similar to that of alcoholics or drug addicts.
    Researchers found greater activity in an area of the brain
    called the ventral striatum, a reward centre involved in processing motivation and pleasure.
    So, just like an alcoholic’s brain lights up when he spots
    an ad for liquor, porn addicts are stimulated when they get their hands on yet another clip.
    Interestingly, the activity, usually conducted in secrecy and all alone, can push a viewer towards loneliness.
    Excessive exposure heightens feelings of aloneness.
    Kevin B Skinner, author of Treating Pornography Addiction:
    The Essential Tools for Recovery, has, over 15 years, worked with hundreds of couples and individuals whose lives have been changed by pornography.
    His research links higher consumption with higher levels of depression.
    In Inside Porn Addiction, his blog, he says, “Regardless of relationship status, individuals who viewed porn daily were on the border of severe depression”.
    Dr Samir Parikh, Director of Department of Mental Health and Behavioural
    Sciences at Fortis Healthcare, agrees. “Sometimes, porn is used as a crutch by those with inadequate social lives. And it’s a cycle. The more they view it, the more they are pushed towards social isolation. And, the interactive nature of modern-day porn makes it worse.”
    Relationship risk
    Dr Hansal Bhachech’s experience as consultant psychiatrist has proven that porn addicts tend to display difficulty with concentrating, boredom,
    shame and guilt, and may grow aggressive towards women.
    “Over time, it could reduce his interest in the actual act. He may grow more interested in virtual intimacy between porn stars and himself, putting his real-life relationship under strain,” he says.
    The problem with porn, according to Bhachech, is simple: pornography
    is a lie. “It promotes falsehoods about men, women and human relationships. Camera techniques and digital manipulation create myths about our bodies, timing and vigour of the sexual act, and willingness to engage in sexual activity,” he says.
    Parikh is especially concerned about its effects on young minds.
    “Because the distinction between normal and perversion is blurred, it can influence belief systems,” he stresses.
    The good side
    What’s important, argue sex therapists, is to realize that like
    with any indulgence, porn adopts a dangerous avatar
    when it turns into an obsession. Not every man who views it is addicted, or
    hostile to his partner.
    In fact, there have been cases of couples having benefitted from it.
    Sex researcher Helen Fisher advises couples
    to treat it like a “hormone-booster” because it drives up dopamine levels, which drives
    up your testosterone.
    A Norwegian study that involved 400 couples backs
    Fisher’s claim. When both partners used porn, they were happiest in the bedroom, it
    revealed. They were open about their fantasies, and reported least sexual dysfunction.
    “It’s not always destructive,” says consultant psychiatrist Dr Deval Desai.
    “It can be a source of excitement and satisfaction, people wouldn’t otherwise experience.”
    Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Honorary Professor and HOD, Department
    of Sexual Medicine at KEM Hospital and GS Medical College, has been counselling couples
    for 30 years, and decries claims that pornography is
    “Pornography is often viewed in secret, which creates deception within marriage. I often hear experts suggest that to fire up libido in a dull marriage, turn to fantasy. This might be a temporary solution, but as you become dependent on outside stimulation, your natural ability to get turned on by your partner fades. It’s not uncommon for partners to opt for legal separation in some cases,” he says.
    Divorce lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh says she has received cases where
    porn has led to the breakdown of marriages. Watching porn in the privacy of your home,
    isn’t illegal, she clarifies; production and distribution of pornographic
    material is. “In most cases, addiction to porn has only one result – a relationship that’s fractured.”
    The making of a porn addict
    Exposure: Introduction to porn
    Escalation: Sharp increase in viewing, more explicit and
    deviant exposure
    Desensitisation: Diminished emotional responsiveness
    Acting out: Desire to act out, either with partner or often elsewhere

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